Wednesday, September 5, 2012


Some weeks I haven't posted yet:

It has sure been a roller coaster ride these last few weeks.  A couple of weeks ago, I was really hoping for a mid- to late-September birthday for this baby boy.  I thought that as long as I'm not bleeding, I should be able to make it to 38 weeks, no problem.  And I was really thinking my doctor would agree.  But when I went to get another ultrasound for an update on my placenta previa, it was clear to them that they couldn't let me go past 37 weeks. They were even leaning towards 36 weeks to be safe.  So we scheduled the c-section for Sunday, Sept 9th at first (with a little pressure from my side to keep it towards 37 weeks).   I then got the steroid shots to help his lungs develop quicker, just in case he came even earlier.

And because I didn't expect any of this to happen, I had 2 weddings booked for the end of August/beginning of Sept and a photo class I was teaching and I just couldn't cancel any of it.  Talk about stress. Supposed to be on "bed rest" (but doctor said walking is okay) and I had so much to do.  I got a blessing, had Ben to help me every step of the way, and Heavenly help for sure and was able to do them all!  It was a miracle.  (I won't tell you that I had a wheelchair at both weddings that Ben pushed me around in....).  Once that Sept 1st wedding was done, man I felt so good. Then nesting mode and prepping for baby kicked in and I had a hard time delegating what needed to be done to Ben (and waiting till he was done with work) instead of just doing it myself.

Knowing what day he is coming is definitely nice.  I don't have to do the whole waiting game the last few hard weeks.  But knowing it's going to be a c-section and that there are risks to both him and me makes me super nervous this time.  And the fact that my last c-section was a nightmare, so all I know and think about are all those things I dealt with then.  The two things that plagued my mind and made me tear up every time I thought about it was this: 1) That he wouldn't be breathing on his own (or have some other health problem) and would have to stay in the NICU for some time (which is a blessing to have, I know, but not what you want to deal with), and 2) That I would have placenta accreta: That my placenta would be too attached to my scar tissue from the previous cut and wouldn't detach nicely, causing me to hemorrhage (which a nice lady at my last wedding told me happened to her. Thanks for the calming stories right before my surgery!)

Anyway--I went to my regular appointment this week and she checked his heart beat as usual. But NOT as usual, she sat and listened intently to his heart beat for a very long time. Every other check-up, she continues to talk to me and only listens for a short time. So this time, I was wondering what was going on.  She finally asked, "Has anyone told you that your baby might have arrhythmia?" I said, "No, I don't know what that is." And she said, "Well, I'm sending you down right now to Labor and Delivery to have them check it out, because you might be having this baby today."   OH THANKS, DOC!! Let's freak your patient out before you even know for sure how bad it is.

So I head down there, and wait and wait.  The doctor there wasn't in yet and I had to wait for them.  Calling Ben and my mom wasn't a good idea because just trying to tell them what was going on made me burst into tears.  Yuck.  So they finally hooked me up to the monitor to listen and I could hear it this time, a definite irregular heart beat (with pauses and skips every couple of beats).  The lady said it was "concerning and definitely there" but that the doctor would give her opinion.  Then they left me in that room for probably 25 minutes by myself, listening to that little heart beat and trying not to freak out.  FINALLY they moved me to the ultrasound room and she took a good look. It was there for a couple of minutes and then it went away! For the next 5-10 minutes they tried to get some more readings of it and he just had a perfect, steady heart beat.  They kept saying, "Come on little punk, cooperate with us." And I was thinking... "Isn't it a good thing that he's not?" After a while they said that because it was off and on, and that he still had good stretches in there, that there was no need for him to come early.  One more week of cooking would do him good. FEWF. They said that he will probably still have arrhythmia but that it should go away on its own.

Before I left though, I had them check two things, his breathing and to see if they could see where my placenta was in relation to my old scar.  They said his breathing was amazing, that he was doing it really fast and well.  Then they said that my placenta was angled more towards the back, leaving my old scar to itself. ANOTHER FEWF.  I was so relieved and a little grateful that I had the ultrasound in the first place because just hearing those two things put my mind at ease. I felt so much better and lighter the rest of the day.

Oh and also, when I checked on my scheduled c-section date, they didn't have me down. They cancelled it because they never got confirmation from someone somewhere and they didn't tell anyone about it! Great! I would have shown up and that would have been a mess.  So they put me down for MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10th at 9am! Settled. Done. Let's get this over with!!

When I read other birth stories and think about how my birthing experiences were "supposed" to go... I get a little sad and feel jipped.  I have not had good experiences and I feel like if I had just waited on my own with Claire (and not gone in with a little leak), I would have gone on my own within a week and not had to go through what I did. And then I'd be having a "normal" birth this time as well. But things didn't go as planned and oh well. And because of what has already happened, I worry about the future ones as well. Maybe we won't be able to have as many as we would like... who knows. We'll see!  Thank heavens for modern technology and medicine because if we were living 200 years ago, I (and probably baby too) would be dying in a few weeks and wouldn't even know it. Totally freaky.  Even though I would like to enjoy these deliveries a lot more, I can't complain because these babies are healthy and we're able to have them in the first place.  We are so blessed and I have great pregnancies, so I am fine dealing with whatever deliveries to get them here! We couldn't possibly love Claire more and can't imagine life without her. And it will be the same with this little boy.

Although it's been hard (since I haven't lifted her and can't do all that I want), I have been trying to have lots of fun with this little girl. She is so funny and we just die every day at how much we love her. We are always saying, "Gosh, I love that little girl!"  She loves to ask me multiple times a day, "You okay, mom?" And she'll rub my face with her hand and lay her head on my chest. We snuggle and watch "Sima" or "Eemo" (Lion King or Finding Nemo) every day and blow bubbles and do puzzles and tickle and swim and color and eat Wheat Thins and cottage cheese out on the grass. I'm trying to soak her all in as our worlds are going to change next week. She has no idea what is coming, but we have a couple of "Big Sister" books and have been talking lots about baby brother coming. She loves to go in his room and look at his crib and clothes and say "baby boy!"  I know she will do great with him.

Wow, this is turning out to be quite the journal entry for me.  I want to remember all that I am feeling this week.

Today, I finally broke my camera out to take pictures of this little girl! It has been so long!  I said: "Smile just a little" here:

"Now smile BIG!":

I love her so much. I love Ben so much. I love this baby so much. I am so blessed and overwhelmed right now with gratitude for my life and blessings.

Stay tuned for baby boy's appearance! 


Heather said...

Camille I love your striped dress in your 36 week photo-you seriously have the perfect pregnant body. Hang in there and your little guy will be here in no time safe and sound. Claire is a doll and I can't wait to see her with her new "baby boy". Good luck with everything this week!

The Miller's said...

Camille I love that even through your worries you count your many blessings. We will be praying for you that everything will go smoothly. Like Heather said, before you know it he will be here safe and sound and you will get to hold and snuggle that sweet boy. Claire is sooo cute. I can imagine how you would want to soak up every last moment you have with just her!

Good luck girl. Can't wait to see that sweet baby!

Rachel said...

I love the striped dress too! So cute, where did you get it? I am glad to hear that your little boy should be fine and wishing you all the best with the delivery. I can't wait to see the little guy, you guys make really cute kids!

The Miller's said...

I forgot to tell you...Brooklyn was born at 36 1/2 weeks and she was perfectly healthy, no NICU time or anything. Hope that helps you feel a little better.

Claire Hawkes said...

Oh Camille! I feel for you. Our situation with Liv was so similar to yours. There have been so many times that I have read other birth stories and felt sad because ours turned out so differently. Just keep telling yourself that it's worth it...because it is!!! This time will be easier because you will be prepared and ready. Keep hanging in there:) I'm excited for you!

...and just so you know, Liv was born with a severe heart arrhythmia but she hasn't had a problem for almost two years! There is hope!

Karlee, Tyson, Erin and Rylee said...

Oh, man! I am sorry you are so stressed! I hope everything goes as well as possible for you! Good luck!

The Nate and Sara Project said...

I hope you can find comfort knowing you aren't the only one disappointed with the way your birth stories have turned out. I had a really bad chip on my shoulder after my son's. I too, felt jipped. Going through the 2nd c-section was so weird. But, for me, once I was being wheeled into that OR (no emergency rushing this time), I felt so peaceful and grateful that I could have that surgery, because without it, I don't think I could have babies at all. Needles to say, I feel like I know exactly what you are feeling, and like I said, just take comfort knowing that there are others that have sympathy for you. So happy for you and your extending family. Happy for you that this is almost done! Best of luck on your recovery, I'm happy for you that Ben can work from home and you have Grandma's close by that can help you!

Jayne said...

Camille, you amaze me! I read your post about Claire's birth, what a story.
You said over on my blog that you were trying not to be jealous of my easy births, but I want you to know how much respect I have for women like you. To still have that burning desire to bring children into the world, even when you know how hard it's going to be. I can't say if I would be that brave. You must be so in tune with the Holy Spirit.

I'm going to pray for you! I'm so glad that you know what to expect this time, I know that'll make such a huge difference for you. Instead of being in a whirlwind during the surgery you'll be able to think about the miracle taking place and meditate on our Heavenly Father's love for you, and the family that you are creating. Don't be afraid to tell those doctors to turn off their music and have more respect for what is happening. This is your miracle.

Sammy said...

Good luck Camille! Everything is going to go perfectly! It just has to, good luck, I can't wait to see the sweet little boy. Those pictures are so sweet of Claire, she is going to be a great big sister. So sorry you've had to go through all of this, i can't even imagine! so scary but glad that his heart is better and hopefully there won't be anymore scares and you will make it to your delivery date!

Marc and Allison said...

Camille best wishes! My 1st was smiliar to yours and the second a planned c-section was soooo much better. You and Ben are good people, so I know everything will go the way it is supose to. I will keep you guys in my prayers!

sharon said...

If you are wondering who looks at your blog from Africa it is just Sister Hall/ Mrs. Hall who taught your sweet sisters at Weber High. I was happy to connect with Anna and happy that Raquel found her love and married. We love our mission in Kenya and I sometimes just want to unwind so I have to admit I do a little blog Surfing before bed. Love your family S.Hall

Lyndee Peterson said...

Camille, I have no doubt that things will go a ton better than last time. Know that I will be praying for you and that heavenly father loves you and that sweet little baby and he will be present and aware of your family. And he will send you blessings and make this experience special for you. I love you, you are strong and an incredible example to me!

Natalie N said...

Oh wow!! What a roller coaster of a ride you've been on these past few weeks. Wishing you & Ben the best tomorrow. Hope your surgery goes well and your precious baby boy arrives safe & sound.


p.s.--love that last pic of Claire! She's such a cutie!!